Playground or Prison?

Just a train of thought I had to let out...

This reflection comes after months of trying to figure out how to earn a living online—doing something I’m at least halfway decent at, whatever that might be.

Being in a foreign country has made that search even more complicated. Most people move abroad with a job or income already lined up. I didn’t. Maybe I underestimated how tough it would be.

Some would say I’m crazy. Maybe I am. Maybe it’s recklessness, or maybe just a kind of blind optimism. Either way, I have no choice but to find a way through.

I’ve realized how much of my identity has been tied to how I make money. For years, I worked nights to avoid the toxic nonsense that came with daytime jobs—micromanagers, egos, energy-draining environments. Night shifts felt like an escape. And for a while, they were.

But life has a weird way of throwing you a rope just when things feel the heaviest. You trudge through the mud for what feels like forever, then suddenly—out of nowhere—an option appears, a flicker of light. I’ve seen it happen more than once. It’s almost like the universe knows when you’re at your limit.

Still, wading through the digital swamp of “get rich quick” schemes and influencer nonsense wears you down. Every video, every clickbait headline promises the secret—just enough to keep you hooked. It’s exhausting. Sometimes I wonder: are these even real people? There was a time when this kind of manipulative behavior would’ve been called out for what it is. Now? It’s the norm.

It reminds me of the film Network, where Peter Finch’s character famously yells, “I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!” That movie captured something real—the slow erosion of humanity in a system that seems built to grind us down.

That’s really what I’m getting at here. For some, life is just a twisted playground—games to be played, rules to be bent. For others, it’s a bleak place, where hope feels fleeting and darkness creeps in easily. We escape into screens, scroll endlessly, polish our digital personas, pretending everything’s fine. It’s not real, but it’s close enough to numb the edges.

I think a lot of it is psychological. I’ve been in dark places before. I’ve always bounced back. The ups and downs—they’re part of the ride, even if sometimes I’ve felt like screaming, “Fuck this!” and walking away—from jobs, relationships, even entire versions of myself.

But I’m learning that peace has to come from within. Until you’re grounded in yourself, it’s hard to make any real impact on the world around you. Tuning out the noise—the criticism, the doubt, the judgment—is maybe the first step toward real change. For yourself. For the world.

Thanks for reading. Needed to get that out.