Playground or Prison?

This is a train of thought I just had and needed to put it out there …

This mainly resulted from a culmination of trying to find a source of online income for months, doing something that I’m reasonably proficient at, whatever that may be.

Given that I’m not in my native country, and “foreigners” usually have an income sorted before they move here, it’s maybe a bigger task than I envisaged it to be.

Most would call me crazy, and perhaps I am … or perhaps just irresponsible and negligent? However, find a way through I must.

I feel as though my whole identity has been wrapped up in whatever I’ve done to earn money. Working nights to escape the bull shit of a daytime work environment. Having to deal with toxic bosses and managers was just too much for my emotionally reactive mind. Perhaps a change of work schedule was an escape, but it worked at the time, several times actually.

You do eventually find a way through most situations, it’s like the universe gives you a way out, or at least an option pops up out of the blue to bring you back into the light, for a time. The more time you spend thinking, the harder and darker it gets … then BAM! something presents itself and brings some relief.

Trudging through the internet swamp of get rich quick apps and you tube videos certainly takes it’s toll on you … clawing at every piece of information as though it holds the key you’ve been searching for. I’m still amazed at what people will tell you just to get a cent’s worth of click … are these real human beings? I think back when humans were in charge of things, this kind of behavior would have been disallowed on moral grounds, but now it’s okay to infect every phone and screen with the same mind virus, preying on the needy, urging them to keep clicking.

It reminds me of the immensely powerful film “Network” which dealt with the dehumanization of society, with Peter Finch as Howard Beale (his last film role), urging the public to go to their windows, stick their head out and yell “I’m as mad as hell and I’m not going to take this anymore!”

My main point of writing was that for some, it seems that society is merely a playground, full of twisted games to be played, a dark circus in which we are all merely puppets to be toyed with … whilst for others it’s a cruel and lonely place, where hope is quickly dashed by darkening thoughts that it will never get better. The only answer seems to be to distract into a digital void of un-social media, where we can all be fake and pretend everything is great. A virtual (but not quite) reality where everything is just dandy if you just take another pill.

I’m fairly sure the problem is a psychological one. I’ve always bounced back from “dark” days, where it’s been difficult to see any good out there, even though the problem it seems, lurks inside. Highs and lows are just part of life, right?… even though many times in my life I’ve said “fuck this!” … quits a job … quits a relationship … quits whatever isn’t working for me …

I think getting yourself into a situation where you can focus on your own inner peace, only then can you hope to make any difference in the world around you. Ignoring everything that anyone tells you, that’s not supportive or empowering at least … is perhaps the first step towards changing ourselves and the world we live in, for the better.

Thanks for reading.